It’s Never Too Late to Fall Head Over Heels

By Kelli Parisian–

After being married for 30 years, and divorced; re-entering single life in my 50’s was a surprise to me, in many ways, especially dating! While I wasn’t naive enough to think finding love again would just happen, I was surprised to learn, it would be 7 years until I met the person I would spend the rest of my life with.

“God will deliver him to you,” I was told. Yes, God could have dropped him at my front door anytime, but as with most things I pray for, I believe he wants me to do my part. Am I willing to do what ever it takes? I wouldn’t ask God to deliver me a job, and not go on an interview or be trained for the job, right? Today, I look at my dating, as my relationship training ground, preparing me for His Timing.

I joined the Singles Ministry, of my church of over 2000; thinking, it shouldn’t be a problem to meet someone at a church of this size church, right? Meet-Up groups were next. I took up ballroom dancing (loved it), and even attended relationship seminars. I met some nice people, but no one special. A friend suggested I give online dating a try.

A dating website at my age! Are you kidding me?

But, join a dating site, I did! I met men from all walks of life while on line. It was a interesting time of learning experiences; some funny, some sad. We have all heard horror stories, but I can honestly say, it was mostly good experiences for me.

Tips for successful on line dating:

• Your Profile – Men and Women both say the same thing about profiles; please be honest! Don’t post photo’s of yourself from 20 years ago, 30 lbs slimmer, with 5 other women (they have to figure out which one is you!).

   Tip: If meeting a Christian Man is important to you, include it in your profile!

• Don’t email or text back and forth – Men and women alike, get bored with this. If you are interested, don’t be afraid to suggest a phone conversation. It’s much easier to get a feel for who a person is when you hear their voice.    

First call Tip – Men appreciate you calling them. Have them email or text you their number.

Don’t make it mandatory they call you first. Bonus – you’re not waiting for a call!

Do you know Women use 20,000 words, and Men use 2,000 on average per day? Don’t use them all on your first phone call with a man!

• Be a good conversationist – but don’t do all the talking! I notice some people have a tendency to talk more when they are nervous, so have a short list of questions ready to ask. Be prepared to answer them yourself. Keep it brief and listen!

Tip: Make the questions you ask, questions that will give you insight into the persons character

• Suggested topics -ask about their hobbies or activities, and perhaps how the datings been going. I asked how long they’ve been divorced and if they have children.

“How did your kids handle the divorce?” Was a good lead in question to the most important question; “What ended your marriage?” How this question is answered gives remarkable insight to the person on the other end of the phone. Blame, anger, ex bashing, could all indicate this person wasn’t ready for dating.

Yes, I realize this may seem like heavy conversation for a first call, but it’s a time saver! How they answer these questions helps determine whether a coffee date is a good next step.

• Expect to go on many coffee dates – but don’t expect to be wined and dined. Coffee, or a walk, and conversation is a good “meet and greet” (dating lingo). The dinner date can be second date. In our case, our third date was Church, his suggestion, and a very good indicator!

• Be Patient! – I hear the following all the time—a women goes out on 3 or 4 coffee dates and then gives up saying, “It’s too much work; all the guys are, losers, liars, flaky, want younger women, _____….fill in the blank.” This simply isn’t true. Self reflection may be in order if you feel this way.

Eventually, I stopped going out on coffee dates with the goal of meeting the man of my dreams, and simply said to myself, “Self, what can I learn from this person I’m meeting?” There is something to be learned from everyone God brings into our lives. Perhaps the learning could be as simple as, “this is what I don’t want in my next relationship.

Be open to hearing God’s voice during a date. If I got more than one or two Holy Spirit promptings (red flags), during a meeting, I would politely end the date. Later I would send an email saying, I didn’t think we’re a good match. No reasons needed. Don’t waste others time and/or emotions, if you’re not interested.

When I first began the process of on line dating, a friend told me, “Kelli, it’s a numbers game. Be prepared to go on many, many coffee dates before finding “The one.” At the time, it sounded horrible to me, but in the end, she was right. Why did I do it? Because I wasn’t going to settle for less than God’s best for me.

One year after meeting Don, the following scripture was inscribed on our wedding invitation—

“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” Song of Solomon 3:4

Yes, falling head over heels, can happen at any age (59 and 64 for us) and any place, even an on line dating site called, Plenty of Fish.